If you’re looking to boost your sex life, you may have tried a few different things like investing in lingerie, taking a pill, or eating a ton of oysters. Maybe some of these tactics worked, or maybe they were disappointments. Well, we have a scientific-backed method to help you improve your sex life so you don’t have to try anything else.
The Canada Research Chair in Women’s Sexual Health has spent over 15 years studying the link between mindfulness and sexual satisfaction and desire. Their years of research have found that incorporating mindfulness and meditation into daily life may be the key to mind-blowing sex.
Lori A. Brotto, psychologist and professor, documented her findings in Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire.
The book details a woman who practices Brotto’s techniques. She went from being unhappy and unsatisfied sexually to loving sex.
Brotto explained that in today’s society, we’re all looking for a quick fix, even when it comes to sex. To some, meditation as a means to improve libido and sex may seem “too radical,” but it’s actually quite simple and could be the secret to improving your sex life.
The basis of mindfulness is to pay attention and to do so in a non-judgmental way. When you think of it in this way, it’s actually a practice that many of us already partake in other areas of our lives.
In a world where we all multi-task, take on more, and are constantly running around, mindfulness teaches us to be in the moment, appreciate it, and to clear out the clutter from our lives.
When we’re bombarded stress, we can’t be in the moment — in this case, that moment is sex — we don’t enjoy it nearly as much. How can you enjoy sex with your partner if you’re thinking about bills, whether you locked your car, or what you have to do tomorrow? Furthermore, many of us rush sex, which loses the anticipation, the excitement, and the foreplay that are all crucial parts of sex.
Here are some mindfulness tips directly from Brotto to get your way back to enjoying sex.
“Incorporate a three-minute meditation as you make a transition from whatever activity you were just doing to that planned sexual encounter. Tune into your body, gather your awareness, notice where your breath is. What kinds of thoughts are still lingering? And where do those thoughts go as you transition into sex?”
“Tell your partner you are going to have sex in a slightly different way. Rather than getting lost in ourselves, we are going to practice this mindfully together. As I’m looking into your eyes and you are looking back into my eyes, we are both going to really feel whatever sensations come up. Or, as I’m touching your skin and you’re touching my skin, we are going to slow it way down so we can feel the moment-by-moment sensations arising with each movement and each touch.”
Working closely with your partner to clear your busy minds and working on being present is a great way to start improving your sex lives naturally and without complications.